01/10/2020: Harvest drawing down the moon

It took me a while to connect. Things were drifting in and out of my mind, images. I just meditated on mother moon with the goal to enjoy her presence. I wasn’t quite sure what I was doing, just that I felt to spend time focusing on her energy.

Suddenly a perspective shift happened. I was the moon. And I was sending my light to all the inhabitants of the world, humans and animals alike. But I was afraid and found myself unable, I was blocked.

After a moment’s hesitation I decided to send my light as the moon to myself sitting at my altar, sending it specifically to my fear. Like a huge laser beam, suddenly I was hit like a truck by blinding white light and the distinction between me and moon ceased. I was both moon and me. Double projection.

I keeled over with the intensity and struggled to breathe. A connection had been made on multiple, nae all levels and I was healing. I wrapped my darkness up in a bubble of light, a bubble of gentle love and protection, and a bubble of time. The message was – this energy fills me up today, but it will take time to integrate.

The moment faded and I was left trying to catch my breath and ground myself. Though the light of the moon had not just hit me but flowed completely through me grounding into the earth automatically. I had to become myself again, removing myself from the lunar perspective.

Back in my body and grounded I breathed the light of the moon from within my diaphragm into my tarot cards to bring them to life with my question – what is the theme for this experience?

I pull the Hierophant. The Hierophant is me. I sense to pull a supporting card – Temperance. I must develop the fruit of temperance further to embody fully the Hierophant. The Hierophant is always a reoccurring card in my readings. I never took it before to mean me – this is the first. The Hierophant is my ideal spiritual role. Then I sense to draw a third supporting card – The Devil. And so I see, in order to develop Temperance to embody the Hierophant, I must fully face The Devil within me, my own monster, my own shadow. This has been my focus the entire last month, especially this last week leading up to the full moon.

By facing my darkness I will become the light.

Throughout I see my spirit allies. They are ALWAYS around me! Every time I sit down for ritual they are always there, waiting, without word from me. I don’t know how they know. My spirit team is huge, I’m overwhelmed by just how many love and support me, and protect me. I know I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without them. There are my own alters, my own multidimensional selves, there are my spirit friends such as angels but most notably many nature spirits. Among the nature spirits include the greater elements such as the sun and the moon, the sea, the winds, the sky, the earth, and the four lords of the sky and earth. There are just SO many! I thank them all – Every time spent at my altar I can’t help but see them with me and I can’t help but thank them.

And that is the end of the rite. I leave my ritual glass filled with water at my window to be infused with lunar light, though just picking it up my hands tingle and I feel it already charged from when I channeled lunar light from myself as moon to myself at my altar.

The Deities of the Twelve Astrological Signs

“Pallas (Athena) watches over the Woolbearer (Aries);
Cytherea (Aphrodite) over Taurus;
Phoebus (Apollo) the shapely Gemini;
You, Cyllenius (Hermes), over Cancer;
And Jupiter (Zeus), you yourself rule Leo with the Mother of the Gods;
Virgo who bears ears of grain belongs to Ceres (Demeter);
And the forged scales to Vulcan (Hephaestus);
Quarrelsome Scorpio clings to Mars (Aries);
Diana (Artemis) cherishes the hunting man part horse (Sagittarius);
And Vesta (Hestia) the contracted stars of Capricorn;
Opposite Jupiter is Aquarius, the star of Juno (Hera);
And Neptune (Poseidon) acknowledges his own Pisces in the upper air.”

– The Astronomica, Manilius, 20 CE

22/09/2020: Autumnal Equinox

Instantly I feel my ancestors. All I have for harvest is the cannabis I grew myself. I bring my cannabis to the altar to thank the cannabis, the spirit of harvest, and as it happens my ancestors before me who grew this very plant, my Mayan forerunners.

I am transported to a scene, I am outside in Latin America, a few hundred years into the past. I am in a circle in the daylight celebrating the harvest with my tribe, there’s a feeling of joy and we’re dancing. I feel that I’m a nurse, the tribe nurse perhaps, and cannabis is one of my healing plants. Part of my role is not just to fix the health of people but also the health of the land around me. My goddess is Ixchel, she is my Patron. I see another scene where I am curing patients and I have female helpers around me.

The scene changes, and before me at my altar is a medicine man, in traditional Native American dress. He tells me he is my son, I believe for that lifetime I am re-experiencing. I hold a lot of respect for him however. He transforms into a Jaguar in front of me, and his paws are in my open hands, our heads touched together.

I am transported to another scene. I’m in a forest or jungle, the earth beneath my feet feels so real, and I realise I have paws. I am the Jaguar now. I am hunting a prey, a deer, but people come from the tribe also hunting the deer and scare me off. My rational self is confused. I start over. I feel so good being a Jaguar and play a little. Then I spot a rabbit and go into hunting mode. I stalk and pounce, killing it, then take it back to my nest where I have five Jaguar Cubs waiting for me, in the process of being weaned.

I am transported back to my altar. A farewell is said to the Jaguar medicine man still in front of me, paws in hands, head to head, this Nahual, this apparent son of mine. He leaves and leaves me with this mysterious lesson.

I thank the spirits, the spirit of harvest and plenty, the sun, moon, stars, wind, earth, and sea, and my ancestors once more.

I draw a tarot card for greater understanding and pull the page of swords. She is me.

I reconnect with the Goddess during this process, her feeling tells me, she is the Force, in my understanding, and never left me and never will. But ultimately she is me and I am her. I thank her too, and end my time at the altar.

16/09/2020: Bath Visions

1st. “I hate you!” Anakin’s voice comes through my own.

2nd. There’s a crown on my head, and I am a prince of hell.

3rd. I am transported to the earth version of my usual vision quests. There is the tree of life, in this form as a giant cannabis plant. At the top a bear is waiting for me.

We go inside a flower, inside a trichome. Inside a trichome is a portal, spinning like a flaming vortex (reminds me of the angel guarding the garden of Eden). The bear leads me down a dark tunnel through the vortex. We emerge on the other side to the same scene, only the sun is rising rather than setting as usual. He holds my hand and tells me the sun is me, I am rising.

I transform into the dragon and fly towards the sun. I am reminded for the second time during a vision of having done this before, back in the dinosaur age. I was a flying dinosaur, a ‘dragon’. I am snapped out of this vision in shock. This is clearly a past life memory.

4th. I sense MJ (cannabis spirit) by. I tell her I’m sorry for disrespecting her. I feel her presence strongly guiding me.

5th. There is an angel. She is my Auriel. First in my mind, then hovering above me in the bath. She tells me she is proud of me, I’ve come so far, am doing so well. I cry remembering the pain I felt of my mother. She hugs me.

Auriel says “you are me, you are more than just dragon, you are all, all you experience and encounter”.

I cry again with pain at the burden of knowing my self to be this large.

“What am I?” I ask. “I am not human”.

I come back to my body.

11/09/2020: Post-cannabis sleep paralysis

I have to get these down, it’s handy to have record of it.

I had a nap this morning after vaping enough cannabis last night just to get rid of my pain, I didn’t get high.

In the nap I woke up with sleep paralysis. And there was the usual post-cannabis sleep paralytic vertigo. But this time it was throughout my whole body, especially in certain spots like my stomach, my left hip, and the left side of my chest. This happened when something took hold of my consciousness and made me stop trying to wake myself up and instead just embrace what was going to happen.

I was in pain, that was for sure. Some of it was fear, though that was secondary. The vertigo though… it ceased to feel like a sensation and became more like a presence, a presence that was pressing into me, suffocating me. I suppose this is the classic sleep paralysis case at this point BUT-

Here’s the kicker. My body started to become physiologically aroused. Meaning, I was going to orgasm. And that’s when I knew this presence, this, well, incubus, who has harassed me many times sexually before not in a state of sleep paralysis. A name didn’t come in the moment but consciously my mind considers either James or Asmodeus. And the curious thing is now I think on it, I had asked him at some point in the last 12 hours why he’s so mean to me. I think that was before bed last night.

There is some sick thrill he has in ‘paralysing’ or in a sense killing his victims and getting sexually high off the pain it causes them. But, there is part of me that responds differently, masochistically even, though I suppose it’s all part of it. Channels that fear into pleasure. It probably feeds him more.

What I experienced with the vertigo hovering over those areas of my body whilst he was there, is that, well firstly, the vertigo was caused by him and the pressure on those areas of my body are wounds he’s inflicted. Take my stomach with my gastritis, in fact I was thinking about this falling asleep for my nap. The vertigo was strongest there. Then the left side of my chest, that is also a weak muscle caused by myofascial pain syndrome. As for my left hip, I think that was just because my hand was resting there. But my hips are weak due to osteopenia and the left side of my body too in general.

I had to write this down as soon after it happened. I know it’s a classic sleep paralysis case but considering I’ve had benign sleep paralysis thousands of times before, have psychoactive cannabis in my system, and also recognised the actual presence… it was all too relevant for me.

08/09/2020: Cannabis initiation

Last night I decided to do some energy healing which I haven’t done purposefully for a while. So I said the words “reiki reiki reiki” but since a little while ago when I tuned into spirit again myself and don’t need the reiki program anymore to activate the flow of healing energy I drifted off into all the various energies that started presenting themselves as is what’s happened since then. There was a rainbow energy, and another energy this time that I now forget. And then, the cannabis energy.

I sense the cannabis spirit permeating my house these days. She’s got some big yoni energy, lol. Anyway, yeah, she’s powerful, not just any plant, but a shamanic plant. In my vision, well, first I was channeling energy into my heart and then felt I needed to channel into my sacral at the same time. Then I felt like I needed a hand on my head too for related energy balancing. But of course I only have two hands. So I did the first thing that came to mind and created an extra energy arm and hand basically a third one for me to channel into my head. Then the energy was properly balancing between all three energy centres.

That’s when the cannabis spirit energy came through, channeling through all my three hands and realigning my energy body. I realised then the connection was strong as I was somewhat under the influence (not high, I’d just had half a weak canna cookie to ease some of my physical pain) and the cannabis plant was once again speaking to me as she had done before.

That was when suddenly a bunch of seemingly previously disparate things clicked together inside me and I had fully embodied and identified with the role of shaman in that moment. This was my initiation, from student to practitioner. The cannabis had just completed my education.

I don’t know what that makes her to me. Was that a passing influence on her part? Or will I be working with her in a much more shamanic capacity from now on?

She’s certainly wonderful.

05/09/2020: High Visions

Saw a star above my head, soul star chakra, felt like I was gonna get ejected but got distracted by noise outside.

Lots of sexual energy released… maybe my monster too. Imaginations of sex and violence were twisted together. Suddenly a large tall guy was standing a couple of meters away. He smirked and said “are you ready to take me back now” fully expecting me to say yes. Even stoned out of my mind, I said no. Him, everyone inside, were shocked. I told him to go away.

Confusion ensued. “Should I be saying yes to reconnect with myself? He’s probably an alter? Or no to keep boundaries enforced?”

I noticed an energy embedded deep within my own, parasitic, like a virus, hiding unknown. I cut it out with my fingers/dragon claws. I threw it into the earth then channelled the full-moon light into the wound for healing and protection. A swan turned up as a full-moon animal and I charged it with protecting the wound.

Still confused over that other guy I saw, I asked Lilith for help. Bad idea maybe? I couldn’t help but self-pleasure, feelings were overwhelming. But I was thrown back in the past with exes. I wanted to be disgusted with myself but being too high, I couldn’t find the energy or care.

A voice told me afterwards, “that’s all your grief you never expressed, all your pain, you keep it locked down, you know this”. I knew it wasn’t reflective of how I feel now.

That’s mostly all I remember, before being falling into sleep. Had an experience my astral body unfurled into draconic version.

Had intense dreams – About becoming and accepting myself as LGBT.

Oh! Had a vision or rather I was astrally on Mars. Can’t remember the timeline of when this happened, but I was connecting with the core of Mars like I do the core of Earth, and connecting to the earth element, but from Mars, not Earth. I saw space from Mars POV.

At the beginning of it all, I had a funky dream/imagination/vision I was dancing and self-pleasuring inside a trichome. It was the cannabis spirit enveloping me completely, my aura and own spirit.

Colour Correspondences

Red

Symbolises: Passion, danger, love, lust, hatred, rage, blood, power, life, action, fire, strength, health, vigour, energy, seduction, danger, violence, war, triumph, majesty, warmth, willpower, leadership, anarchy, malice, fear, courage.

Magickal uses: Curses, confidence, intimidation, seduction, self-love, sexual vigor, courage

Orange

Symbolises: Friendliness, energy, warmth, joy, playfulness, ambition, pride, enthusiasm, fascination, creativity, determination, encouragement, stimulation, humour, indulgence, plenty, kindness, warmth, liveliness, force, optimism. (Dark orange: deceit, betrayal, and distrust).

Magickal uses: Friendship, good luck, inspiration, gentleness, optimism

Yellow

Symbolises: Joy, brilliance, youth, loyalty, inspiration, energy, optimism, warmth, caution, cowardice, health, confidence, intellect, freshness, learning, value, sunlight, vibrance, impulsivity. (Dark yellow: caution, decay, sickness, jealousy).

Magickal uses: Happiness, creativity, loyal friendships, hope.

Green

Symbolises: Life, freshness, peace, money, envy, repulsion, disease, guilt, growth, fertility, luck, success, charity, rejuvenation, ambition, greed, jealousy, healing, nature. (Dark green: ambition, greed, envy, mystery).

Magickal uses: Success, calm, money-drawing, healing, discord-causing.

Blue

Symbolises: Serenity, knowledge, peace, piety, sincerity, safety, calm, wisdom, serenity, cleanliness, water, consciousness, tranquility, softness, mellow, ice, sadness, coldness, sober, gloom, secrecy, fearfulness, depression, understanding, compassion, patience, health, truth, devotion, honour, loyalty, sleep, astral. (Dark blue: knowledge, power, integrity, seriousness, mystery).

Magickal uses: Inner-peace, insight, knowledge, cursing (causing emotional pain). 

Purple

Symbolises: Mystery, royalty, power, secrecy, nobility, luxury, ambition, shadows, death, spirits, mourning, gloom, mystical, dignified, pride, pompous, loneliness, desperation, piety, sanctity, tension, sentimentality, wisdom, spiritual protection, psychic powers, astral. (Lavender: romance, beauty, gentleness). 

Magickal uses: Astral travel, psychic awakening, mourning, spirit work, wisdom.

Pink

Symbolises: Gentleness, joy, love, friendship, children, compassion, beauty, optimism, generosity, softness, confidence, inner-peace, harmony, approachability, affection, vibrance.

Magickal uses: Romance, friendship-drawing, self-love, gentle-heartedness, soothing, healing, peace, harmony, happiness

Black

Symbolises: Mystery, darkness, secrecy, the unknown, gloom, death, negativity, mourning, grief, ominousness, strength, power, authority, elegance, formalness, sophistication, fear, void, night, danger, self-reflection (upon toxic behaviour), aggression, rebellion, seriousness, confidence.

Magickal uses: Curses, banishing, protection, reflection, inner-strength

White

Symbolises: Delicacy, purity, peace, cleanliness, divinity, elegance, frailty, death, mourning, emptiness, faith, enlightenment, glory, salvation, cold, snow, ice, air, celestial, lightness, innocence, spirits, newness, safety, healing.

Magickal uses: Cleansing, purification, protection, inner-peace, new beginnings.

Gray

Symbolises: Dullness, moodiness, formal, sophisticated, simplicity, loss, depression, grief, intelligence, logic.

Magickal uses: Mental powers

Brown

Symbolises: Home, stability, security, reliability, healing, food, warmth, earth, wood, honesty, humility, grounding, foundations, simplicity, approachability, peace.

Magickal uses: Grounding, peaceful household, abundance of food.

Gold

Symbolises: Extravagance, abundance, wealth, luxury, wisdom, power, enlightenment, divinity, glory, light, grandeur, prosperity, luck, confidence, pride, courage, joy, illumination, truth, compassion, passion, love, beauty, perfection.

Magickal uses: Wisdom, optimism, luck, strength of heart, abundance

Silver

Symbolises: Elegance, grace, serenity, wisdom, meditation, order, psychic powers, reflection, sophistication, ancient, calm, purification, mystery, wealth, prosperity, logic, knowledge.

Magickal uses: Wisdom, logic, inner-calm, purification, order, prosperity

– Taken from Enlightenment Through Hellfire: Colour Correspondences

A Self-Cleansing & Self-Charging Triple Layered Home Ward

Things you need
1. Indoor potted plants
2. Crystals:
– One large centre stone of choice
– Four quarter stones of choice
– Multiple small double-terminated clear quartz points
3. Bodily fluids of choice
4. Your index finger or wand/athame for directing energy

Method
1. Place plant pots around the perimeter of your home, usually the windowsills
2. Place one large centre stone on your altar, place four quarter stones in each corner of the home, and place the smaller quartz within each plant pot
3. Anoint each stone with bodily fluid of choice (urine is naturally protective, you can also use blood. For ease saliva can be used)
4. Using your index finger or other tool that directs energy, point to the centre stone and visualise it linking up with each stone separately
5. Then starting from the northern quarter stone, draw a link between all the outer stones, going clockwise

How it works:
1. Potted plants are living energy, they are first line of defence for negative energies and will show signs of disease when they are taking on a lot, therefore they absorb the negative energies in your place and visibly show signs of attack. Plants also generate positive energy and actively clean the environment against anything already within the home.
2. By placing quartz crystals, which are water-safe, within the plant pots, they are automatically recharged by three things: The sunlight entering through the window, the waterings you give the plant, and the grounding presence of the plant itself. The stones create a bond with the plant, strengthening each other. This in turn cleanses and strengthens the entire grid.
3. Meanwhile, the centre stone being placed on the altar will naturally recharge and be kept strong due to the energies there from general magickal and divine workings. Anything added to an altar has this effect, and reinforces each other. An altar is by nature a sacred space.
4. Using bodily fluids to anoint each stone announces to the spiritual world that this is your territory, and few will venture into it. This is exactly what animals do in the wild, and where this idea is taken from. Animals will use urine usually for this effect, which is why it’s a first choice, but any bodily fluid will also work.
5. The stones and plants are naturally self-cleansing and self-charging on their own, however if desired the bodily fluids must be reapplied every so often to keep that territorial statement going. Not much is needed, just a drop. Urine is sterile, unless you have a urine or kidney infection, or any other related medical condition.
6. Because of the self-cleansing effect the home does not need to be actively cleared such as with smudges, as the energies within it are already absorbed and transformed. Negative energy is like plant food: Captured, composted, and consumed.

Extra ideas:
1. Add a protective symbol or sigil of choice to the bottom of each plant pot. This can be carved in, painted on, or drawn on paper and stuck on.
2. Add an extra stone or protective symbol/sigil at any entryways to the home, this includes front doors and back doors.
3. If you have an air purifier of any kind, dehumidifier, humidifier, or any other similar device that effects the ambience, add the same protective symbol or sigil to it, and it will actively cleanse and charge the air.

Essential Oil Spray: How To

Items needed
1. Essential oils of choice
2. Polysorbate-20
3. Amber glass spray bottles
4. Water

Method
1. Decide on purpose of spray and research and choose corresponding essential oils.
2. Add 10 to 25 drops of essential oils to amber glass spray bottle.
3. Add equal drops polysorbate-20 and shake gently to mix.
4. Fill up with water and shake gently again.
5. Replace spray top and done.

Notes
1. Choose organic essential oils which are steam distilled and produced by an eco-friendly company.
2. If possible use bottled spring water which has no chlorine or chloramine. Boiling tap water does not remove chloramine which is more common in mains systems these days than free form chlorine.
3. Polysorbate-20 is a cosmetic preservative and emulsifier; an emulsifier blends oil and water together. It’s not expensive, however there are other alternatives if desirable.
4. Glass bottles do not absorb essential oils like plastic and amber glass prevents degradation from daylight UV rays.