Imbolc & Ostara Update: Mother’s Day Dedication to The Goddess – Praise for how She has Changed my Life

Wow, it’s been a long time since I updated here! I try to do it at least every sabbat but this Imbolc I was unable to, the reason being that all of a sudden an apartment became available for me to move into, after almost two years of trying to find myself one! And the news came right after I’d returned from Mexico seeing and making amends with my dad for the new year. And that was intense in itself, in fact, the whole of the last entire year has been intense, call it twenty-nineteen intensive training, haha. I really honestly believe last year was one huge transition period in my life, and right before the beginning of my Saturn return, so this is huge. In fact, funny thing is I felt the change happening on the spiritual level before I even knew or had idea that I was going to be finally moving out of my abusive family’s house. It’s like a space was opening up inside me, preparing me for this. I had a sense something was coming as a result, and even my tarot cards and the gods were telling me a pivotal change was on the way, but as someone who has historically experienced more bad luck and let downs than the counterparts, I was just chilled and like “cool, we’ll see”… and see I have done.

Last year was all about working on my divine masculine. In fact, it was deeper than that. Last year was all about finding myself, finding ME. Last year I learned of my dissociation, came to harmony with my fragmented psyche as a result, got myself off the anti-depressants successfully, reconnected with my divine masculine for the first time ever, and connected to my power and strength internally. I remember back to summer 2018, I asked what the theme was in my life at that time, and I drew the strength card. And for sure I developed and found that strength within me that I never did before. I feel so empowered and happy for the first time in my life. Sure things aren’t perfect, this is planet earth after all (and let’s not mention the corona madness which is going on right now), but have I evolved? Hell yeah. I have come to a freedom from twenty six years of pain, trauma, abuse, dysfunction, and toxicity. And I didn’t do it by myself. Sure it was always within me to do it, but I can’t take the credit. I have to completely put this on the Goddess, because truth be told, when I started opening my heart to her in 2016, that’s when everything started changing for me. I have become a person I never knew was there inside me, and yet always wished to be. And the Goddess has been there for me this whole time nurturing it, just as a Mother does. And so I dedicate this post to the Goddess, as it’s Mother’s Day, and she has been my true Mother in life, when my biological mother has failed me many times.

The Goddess has been with me in many forms since those four years ago. She has been Sophia, Mary, Isis, Durga, Diana, Hecate, Venus, and now, she is Inanna. I have found My Goddess, or rather, She found me. All Goddesses are one Goddess, that is true, but all Goddesses are unique manifestations of Her, individual persons in their own right, and many manifestations of Her have appeared to me on my journey, nurturing my soul, piecing it back together piece by fragile piece, and I can’t write this without mentioning my amazing shamanic healer who the Goddess has worked through to aid in that process. I have become completely transformed since the beginning of this journey when I first met her (the shaman) and the Goddess. My healer reconnected me with my entire soul essence which had been completely shattered and left the body, leaving me completely dissociated and physically ill and drained of energy. My body is still physically recovering from this, but considering I was wheelchair bound back in 2016 and couldn’t even walk, I’d say I have healed an awful lot. And having moved away from my abusive family has catalysed that even further, something my therapist made me realise was the cause of my energy loss. My family was literally sucking me dry through the twenty six years of trauma they had and still were causing me. But now I am walking my dog every day, I can swim again, I’m doing yoga now I have the freedom, I have the energy to live a fairly normal existence outside of the soul sucking capitalist society we live in work-wise. But that’s okay, because now I can finally start my own spiritual business from home. The time is coming, the healer has come to a place of healing oneself, and now has that wonderful gift to share with others. I can feel it inside me like a light, growing and expanding, and strengthening itself, stabilising, loving me, so that it can then love others all the better.

I have a permanent altar set up now, which is where I am writing from on my desktop, considering most of what I will be doing on this computer will be spiritual/business related. And I have a few tools to buy to complete the basic set up and I have a print relief of Inanna on the way to frame on my wall above the altar as my Patron Goddess. She came to me before Christmas, her presence lingering strongly. I went to Mexico and was preoccupied for a while but when I returned home to continue my practice, so did she. So I finally asked her why I was feeling her so strongly, and she responded very clearly that she was there to help me transition from the life I had, to the life I wanted. So I accepted her help, and it was literally just a few days after that I found out I was suddenly about to move. As the move was so sudden and exhausting, I had completely forgotten about that and her during the process, until things started to settle again and she returned, reminding me that she had told me that she had done what she said she would. She made this happen for me. I was honestly mind-blown. So I asked her then if that meant she was leaving – oh no, she wanted to stay and help me with everything to come. Who was I to say no? She has basically taken over all of me, my heart, hearth, and home, is what I say. She put herself in my path, she made me take notice, and she has put herself as the centre and focus of my entire practice. I don’t think now there is any me without Her – but that can be said in regards to the Great Goddess in general, of which she is a particular image of, and the one that has manifested to me. I am woman, and woman is Goddess, and Goddess is woman – there is no one without the other. Inanna is here because she is me and I am her.

And whilst I’m on this topic, I knew I was meant to be a priestess for a while but considered myself ‘in training’ for the last few years. But now the initiation is over, and it’s time for me to live what I have learned. I am a priestess of the Goddess and of any goddess as extension, but more specifically of Inanna, now, after her having come to me in a vision recently (or rather I was lead to her), where she was sat on a throne between the two pillars of duality just like the image of the High Priestess tarot card. And she reached out her sceptre and blessed me and said “this authority and power is now yours, use it wisely”, and that was that. It was a turning point in my path, from one level to another. One could say from student to teacher but there are still many things I need to learn, and I suppose, that’s true of any real world teacher. They may have a bachelor’s degree, but it doesn’t mean they’re a professor! At the same time I’m hesitant to say there are levels to spiritual development, but it’s a fact of nature there are levels to the development of human consciousness in general anyway, for example from baby to toddler to child to teen to adult. Anyway, I may be getting off topic, my point is maybe that I passed one grade and graduated, and now have the skills to do some real work, regardless of all the rest of things I still need to learn (and I know they are many). I just want to keep my ego in check because in the past I didn’t and it was definitely a lead up to my brutal fall from grace. Then again, it could be debated whether I was really given as much grace as I thought. The beginning of awakening is always difficult with the ego wanting to claim the new insights and revelations of spirit. It’s hard to believe now that I started this journey almost ten years ago. I have experienced a lot for someone so young, though I’m not sure whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I suppose it was a bad thing that I turned into a good thing. When we are abused there are really only one of two options: To become the abuser, or to become the healer. And now is my time to give back as the healer.

Here on my altar I have a piece I painted in moon blood with the ancient verse “Profit and loss are Inanna’s to control”, ever since I first read that it really spoke to me on a deep level, and whilst I know I have some influence on my own destiny through free will and personal choice, reading that keeps me humble and reminds me that without the Goddess, and the Goddess as Inanna, I would not be here. I have everything to thank her for, she liberated me, and now my life really belongs to her. I mean, it really did from the day I first opened my heart to her those four years ago, but I didn’t know that then. But my purpose, my destiny, I know it now, is to serve her. That’s what I give back in return for her liberation of me. She is Soteira – Saviour. They say we can only save ourselves, and that’s true in one sense as it takes us to want to be willing to allow that to happen, but in another sense we are only human and need a personal relationship with the divine to aid us in that salvation.

I did not expect when I started writing this post that it would be mostly about the Goddess, but honestly I am so grateful and as it’s mothers day and I have already dedicated this post to Her, I am happy to have shared these thoughts and feelings. I hope that as I begin to find my own, true, place in this world, that I can do some good, help others, and be a light in the darkness of others I have myself overcome. I’m nowhere near perfect, I know that, but I’m content, and I have clarity, and I’m happy and at peace with myself.

Amadéa (By the love of the Goddess).

My Starseed Placements: Aspects & Parallels (Ayanamsa Fagan-Bradley)

Aspects

Bungula: Alpha Centaurus □ Chiron 00° 15′ Orb
Regulus ☌ Chiron 00° 19′ Orb
Vega: Lyra □ Jupiter 00° 22′ Orb
Aldebaran: Hyades □ Mercury 00° 32′ Orb
Antares: Gateway to Andromeda □ Mercury 00° 35′ Orb
Alcyone: Pleiades □ Chiron 00° 36′ Orb
Ain: Hyades □ Sun 00° 37′ Orb
Andromeda Galaxy ☌ Descendent 00° 48′ Orb
Andromeda Galaxy ☍ Ascendent 00° 48′ Orb
Alcyone: Pleiades □ Moon 00° 51′ Orb
Alphard: Hydra □ Vertex 00° 52′ Orb
Galactic Centre: Gate of God ☌ Sun/Moon Midpoint 00° 56′
Regulus ☍ Moon 00° 68′ Orb
Izar Epsilon: Draco ☌ Ascendant 00° 69′ Orb
Ain: Hyades ☌ South Node 00° 75′ Orb
Ain: Hyades ☍ North Node 00° 75′ Orb
Agena: Alpha Centaurus ☌ Pluto 00° 76′ Orb
Arcturus □ Mercury 00° 79 Orb
Alpheratz: Andromeda ☍ Jupiter 00° 79′ Orb

Parallels

Bellatrix: Orion // Black Moon 00° 07′ Orb
Alphard: Hydra // Eris 00° 10′ Orb
Ain: Hyades // Venus 00° 12′ Orb
Arcturus // Venus 00° 17′ Orb
Bellatrix: Orion // Chiron 00° 17′ Orb
Altair // Sun 00° 29′ Orb
Rigel: Orion // Eris 00° 32′ Orb
Ain: Hyades // Midheaven 00° 38′ Orb
Arcturus // Midheaven 00° 43′ Orb
Al Hecka: Orion // South Node 00° 44′ Orb
Vindemiatrix // Descendent 00° 49′ Orb
Altair // Mercury 00° 50′ Orb

My Sidereal Placements (Equal House 1st = Asc)

Sun Leo 13° 22′ 11th House
Moon Aquarius 05° 46′ 5th House
Sun/Moon Midpoint Scorpio 09° 34′ 2nd House
Black Moon Lilith Pisces 11° 07′ 6th House

Ascendant Virgo 02° 38′ 1st House
Midheaven Cancer 11° 17′ 10th House
Descendent Pisces 02° 38′ 7th House
Imum Coeli Capricorn 11° 17′ 4th House

North Node (R) Scorpio 13° 02′ 2nd House
South Node Taurus 13° 02′ 8th House
Vertex Aries 03° 04′ 7th House
Part of Fortune Pisces 25° 02′ 6th House

Mercury Leo 15° 22′ 11th House
Venus Cancer 09° 49′ 10th House
Earth Aquarius 13° 22′ 5th House
Mars Virgo 17° 43′ 12th House

Jupiter Virgo 20° 22′ 12th House
Saturn (R) Aquarius 01° 27′ 4th House
Uranus (R) Sagittarius 23° 52′ 3rd House
Neptune (R) Sagittarius 23° 57′ 3rd House

Ceres Aries 11° 53′ 7th House
Chiron Leo 04° 54′ 11th House
Eris (R) Pisces 23° 27′ 6th House
Pluto Libra 28° 18′ 1st House

Haumea Virgo 05° 11′ 12th House
Makemake Leo 13° 54′ 11th House

Soul Psychedelia

Daredevil sparks, sociopathic indigo fizzing from my extraterrestrial, non-temporal bionic fingers
I am all colours outside your crazy-train spectrum
swirling and twisted, Azkaban demented
beyond borderline black and white
floating transcendent; chimerical dual existence

So fuck with me hard, I don’t care
because I will fuck back harder than your most suicidal night terrors
and all that remains is one empty psychedelic trip, compliments of Asmodeus
even ISIS will cower in awe –

Electric kool-aid my soul,
soil, dirt, muck, existential filth of choice
spoiled and split within your materiality,
tripping so hard within your wanton psychology
beyond basic functionality

I am the fucking queen bee
play with me, I dare.

I Praise Every God Prayer

I praise every god in my daily prayers,
leaving not a single one out.
The universe does not exclude any of them, so how can I?
Praise, praise to the infinite number of Blessed Ones.
Praise, praise, let there be praise of them all

A Book of Pagan Prayers by Ceisiwr Serith

The Litanies of Satan by Charles Baudelaire

O thou, of all the Angels loveliest and most learned,
To whom no praise is chanted and no incense burned,

Satan, have pity upon me in my deep distress!

O Prince of exile, god betrayed by foulest wrong,
Thou that in vain art vanquished, rising up more strong,

Satan, have pity upon me in my deep distress!

O thou who knowest all, each weak and shameful thing,
Kind minister to man in anguish, mighty king,

Satan, have pity upon me in my deep distress!

Thou that dost teach the leper, the pariah we despise,
To love like other men, and taste sweet Paradise,

Satan, have pity upon me in my deep distress!

O thou, that in the womb of Death, thy fecund mate,
Engenderest Hope, with her sweet eyes and her mad gait,

Satan, have pity upon me in my deep distress!

Thou who upon the scaffold dost give that calm and proud
Demeanor to the felon, which condemns the crowd,

Satan, have pity upon me in my deep distress!

Thou that hast seen in darkness and canst bring to light
The gems a jealous God has hidden from our sight,

Satan, have pity upon me in my deep distress!

Thou to whom all the secret arsenals are known
Where iron, where gold and silver, slumber, locked in stone,

Satan, have pity upon me in my deep distress!

Thou whose broad hand dost hide the precipice from him
Who, barefoot, in his sleep, walks on the building’s rim,

Satan, have pity upon me in my deep distress!

O thou who makest supple between the horses’ feet
The old bones of the drunkard fallen in the street,

Satan, have pity upon me in my deep distress!

Thou who best taught the frail and over-burdened mind
How easily saltpeter and sulphur are combined,

Satan, have pity upon me in my deep distress!

Thou that hast burned thy brand beyond all help secure,
Into the rich man’s brow, who tramples on the poor,

Satan, have pity upon me in my deep distress!

O thou, who makest gentle the eyes and hearts of whores
With kindness for the wretched, homage for rags and sores,

Satan, have pity upon me in my deep distress!

Staff of the exile, lamp of the inventor, last
Priest of the man about whose neck the rope is passed,

Satan, have pity upon me in my deep distress!

O thou, adopted father of those fatherless
Whom God from Eden thrust in terror and nakedness,

Satan, have pity upon me in my deep distress!

– The Litanies of Satan, Flowers of Evil, by Charles Baudelaire

The Witches Chant

Darksome night and shining Moon,
Hell’s dark mistress Heaven’s Queen
Harken to the Witches’ rune,
Diana, Lilith, Melusine!

Queen of witchdom and of night,
Work my will by magic rite.
Earth and water, air and fire,
Conjured by the witch’s blade,
Move you unto my desire,
Aid ye as the charm is made!
Queen of witchdom and of night,
Work my will by magic rite.

In the earth and air and sea,
By the light of moon or sun,
As I pray, so mote it be.
Chant the spell, and be it done!
Queen of witchdom and of night,
Work my will by magic rite.

– By Doreen Valiente

The Witches Creed

Hear now the words of the witches,
The secrets we hid in the night,
When dark was our destiny’s pathway,
That now we bring forth into light.

Mysterious water and fire,
The earth and the wide-ranging air,
By hidden quintessence we know them,
And will and keep silent and dare.

The birth and rebirth of all nature,
The passing of winter and spring,
We share with the life universal,
Rejoice in the magical ring.

Four times in the year the Great Sabbat
Returns, and witches are seen
At Lammas, and Candlemas dancing,
On May Eve and old Hallowe’en.

When day-time and night-time are equal,
When the sun is at greatest and least,
The four Lesser Sabbats are summoned,
Again witches gather in feast.

Thirteen silver moons in a year are,
Thirteen is the coven’s array.
Thirteen times as Esbat make merry,
For each golden year and a day.

The power was passed down the ages,
Each time between woman and man,
Each century unto the other,
Ere time and the ages began.

When drawn is the magical circle,
By sword or athame or power,
Its compass between the two worlds lie,
In Land of the Shades for that hour.

This world has no right then to know it,
And world beyond will tell naught,
The oldest of Gods are invoked there,
The Great Work of magic is wrought.

For two are the mystical pillars,
That stand to at the gate of the shrine,
And two are the powers of nature,
The forms and the forces divine.

The dark and the light in succession,
The opposites each unto each,
Shown forth as a God and a Goddess,
Of this did our ancestors teach.

By night he’s the wild wind’s rider,
The Horn’d One, the Lord of the shades,
By day he’s the King of the Woodlands,
The dweller in green forest glades.

She is youthful or old as she pleases,
She sails the torn clouds in her barque,
The bright silver lady of midnight,
The crone who weaves spells in the dark.

The master and mistress of magic,
They dwell in the deeps of the mind,
Immortal and ever-renewing,
With power to free or to bind.

So drink the good wine to the Old Gods,
And dance and make love in their praise,
Til Elphame’s fair land shall receive us,
In peace at the end of our days.

An Do What You Will be the challenge,
So be it in Love that harms none,
For this is the only commandment,
By Magick of old, be it done.

Eight words the Witches’ Creed fulfil:
If it harms none, do what you will.

– By Doreen Valiente

13 Moons Tarot Spread for my Year Ahead

Year card – Six of Pentacles: Financial stability, giving and receiving, charity

Moon 1 – King of Cups: Emotional healing, integration of the divine masculine, the close of a chapter
Moon 2 – Ace of Swords: New ideas, plans and goals, promise for the future
Moon 3 – Ace of Pentacles: Manifestation opportunity, beginning goals towards physical stability and independence
Moon 4 – The Devil: Shadow work, learning what holds me back from manifestation
Moon 5 – Eight of Pentacles: Skill mastery, working hard towards goals
Moon 6 – Two of Pentacles: Being busy, juggling priorities, balancing responsibilities
Moon 7 – Justice: Moment of truth, make or break, being tested
Moon 8 – Five of Swords: Failure, defeat, wining the battle but losing the war, letting go
Moon 9 – The Tower: Bad luck, divine misfortune, sudden change, realisations and resulting rebirth
Moon 10 – Two of Cups: New significant relationship, emotional rebuilding and restrengthening
Moon 11 – Nine of Wands: Exhaustion, persistence, final challenge, self-transformation
Moon 12 – Page of Cups: New creative energy, following the heart, happy surprise, good luck
Moon 13 – The Fool: Beginning of a new journey and chapter, building upon the last