A series of realisations…
First being taken back to my conception and re-experiencing the selfishness of my mother’s decision to have me.
Then last night I was chatting to a friend who made me remember what my father said – how he broke up with my mother because she believed Catholics were demon possessed – but how I wasn’t even born yet at that point and she was already considering my potential possession, and the effects that would imprinted on me in the womb.
Then as I was out walking this morning I realised how the words ‘energetically’ and ‘genetically’ have the same letters rearranged…. the same words.
And I was thinking on my current facing complexes within my psyche, demonic ones and alters, Asmodeus and now Beelzebub.
Suddenly it hit me. These alters…. don’t just come out of nowhere. They were handed down to me energetically from her, through her projections and imprints onto me, right from the womb.
And then… the fact that it’s not just energetically but literally genetically too because right from the womb my DNA was being imprinted with her own undealt with psychological complexes. That’s scientifically a thing (epigenetics).
So literally, what I am dealing with right now is her shit, her psychological, epigenetic, energetic – undealt with, narcissistic traumatic shit, way down the ancestral line.
I’m still dealing with my conception!
What’s the answer? I need to cut it off from me. I literally need to cut off her projections from me energetically and hence genetically from me, right from the time I was conceived. I need to cut the line, the cord, right from the beginning, right from day one.
And I realise as an egg I existed within her ever since she was born too, in her mother’s womb… but I think that’s going a but far and isn’t my current focus.
I think now I know what I’ll do on the waning/dark moon as I was considering doing something. And funnily enough the dark/new moon will be in Scorpio this month (I think, it’s a blue moon so I will need to check that, but it should still be).
I need to cut my ties from her from birth. I need to completely and utterly separate myself from her for my healing.