22/09/2020: Autumnal Equinox

My Private Notes

Instantly I feel my ancestors. All I have for harvest is the cannabis I grew myself. I bring my cannabis to the altar to thank the cannabis, the spirit of harvest, and as it happens my ancestors before me who grew this very plant, my Mayan forerunners.

I am transported to a scene, I am outside in Latin America, a few hundred years into the past. I am in a circle in the daylight celebrating the harvest with my tribe, there’s a feeling of joy and we’re dancing. I feel that I’m a nurse, the tribe nurse perhaps, and cannabis is one of my healing plants. Part of my role is not just to fix the health of people but also the health of the land around me. My goddess is Ixchel, she is my Patron. I see another scene where I am curing patients and I have female helpers around me.

The scene changes, and before me at my altar is a medicine man, in traditional Native American dress. He tells me he is my son, I believe for that lifetime I am re-experiencing. I hold a lot of respect for him however. He transforms into a Jaguar in front of me, and his paws are in my open hands, our heads touched together.

I am transported to another scene. I’m in a forest or jungle, the earth beneath my feet feels so real, and I realise I have paws. I am the Jaguar now. I am hunting a prey, a deer, but people come from the tribe also hunting the deer and scare me off. My rational self is confused. I start over. I feel so good being a Jaguar and play a little. Then I spot a rabbit and go into hunting mode. I stalk and pounce, killing it, then take it back to my nest where I have five Jaguar Cubs waiting for me, in the process of being weaned.

I am transported back to my altar. A farewell is said to the Jaguar medicine man still in front of me, paws in hands, head to head, this Nahual, this apparent son of mine. He leaves and leaves me with this mysterious lesson.

I thank the spirits, the spirit of harvest and plenty, the sun, moon, stars, wind, earth, and sea, and my ancestors once more.

I draw a tarot card for greater understanding and pull the page of swords. She is me.

I reconnect with the Goddess during this process, her feeling tells me, she is the Force, in my understanding, and never left me and never will. But ultimately she is me and I am her. I thank her too, and end my time at the altar.

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