Broken

Clutch my heart and wait for the attack
Start, stop, speed up again
Flutter, panic, sorrow screams in fury
Adrenaline coursing through my numb struck body

Oh a trip to fucking hell once again
My soul lies around me in splinters, sharp edges gleaming from behind the shadows
Devils gleefully rub their hands together watching and waiting for my fall

Who am I to say this body is no longer inhabited by a brilliant sun?
She departed from me a moon ago, and like the moon her light waned
Yet unlike the moon she returned not

Silence. Solitude.
A rugged spine grows through me, covered in thorns that will make you bleed
Because I am haemorrhaging and hot orange liquid floods from me
Rushing to the floor in morbid pleasure
And then slowing dramatically

Oh what remains? Nothing more than iniquity
Holy iniquity committed in sacred sin
Lust and love and lies and loss all rolled together and smoked joint

Oh the stars are falling from the inky sky and none remain
That last sun fell a while back and all which remains is the void of all I wish not to become
For when you gaze into that void that void penetrates your very core

Silence. I disappear.
I float away into the river of forgotten wispy dreams
Lifeless and cold, drowned and frozen by hypothermic asphyxiation
Dirt and fossils fill my lungs, with worms and wasps burrowing their nests within

Who are you to tell me what I deserve?
My fingers caress the blades of grass nearby and pull them up by their roots
Now they lay strewn around in the aftermath and chaos of change
This is what is left of me, flushed cheeks and humiliating defeat.

Shit. I fucked myself up.
Every neuron lights up in smoke, nihilistic ecstasy, oh how the tables have turned on me
Your die was rolled and I lost the game
I fold, my hand was full with the king, but it wasn’t enough
Life is wry that way

The peasant rules the empire after all
And terror blows over trees in mighty ground-shaking gales, complements of Mother Earth
Dear delicious tormentor, how can I thank you for your destructive power?
May I recharge in agony and be the reaper of death?
May I destroy kear? No?

And so I am here
Abdicating, and praying you won’t gun down my already shattered skull
Let me be the eternal prisoner in the dungeons of our sorrowful dreams
If that’s the way I can make up for my treason of losing your love
May the chains envelop me with their searing chills
So I suffocate and cannot breathe.
Only you.

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