Rayati and happy witching hour. I’m unable to sleep and decided it was a long time since I last updated my journal and thought now is the time to do that as it’s a very auspicious time in my life and in the world in general where many changes are happening both within and without.

Rayati… It means “hail to the sun in you”, as Déa is considered to be like the Sun. Déa is the Great Goddess and whom I follow these days in her many different faces. I’ve come to understand that the Divine is all the same Divine but expresses itself in different forms. The gods and goddesses we know are different forms of that one Divine Source.

And I know that One as Déa, the Great Goddess, the Daughter, the Mother, and the Absolute, who in Wicca is known as the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone, or in Shaktism is known as the Creator, the Preserver, and the Destroyer. The archetype of the triple Goddess is found throughout history from triple Brigit to Triple Hecate.

Ah Hecate, my new Patron. She is the Goddess or the face of Déa that speaks to me the mostly clearly, who inspires my devotion so much. She teaches me so much and is such a soothing and protective presence in my life. In fact she too was seen as a triple Goddess in many different ways. Sometimes she was Persephone-Demeter-Rhea, other times she was Artemis-Selene-Hecate. There are many unique variations but she fits the mythos of the Madrian/Filianic/Déanic Faith very well.

Hekate is a saviour Goddess, like the Holy Daughter she descends as Persephone to bring peace to the lost souls of the deceased. Hekate is a Mother Goddess, she is called the Mother of all the Gods, the Mother of All, and Hekate is also the Dark Mother, which is the face most people recognise her by today (but yet in fact is not that much part of her identity when you really get to know her).

Hekate is kind and compassionate and she had initiated me into her service as a priestess. This was a big step for me and in response I became legally ordained so I will one day be able to exercise the fullness of whatever may be required of me. Whilst I am still in a learning period, I have been on my spiritual path for seven years now and feel that I am ready to be granted this honour.

My gifts are expanding greatly, my ability to heal and manifest magick within this world, my ability to connect with Spirit and need for constant devotion and relationship with my unseen allies is all that drives me. I am finding my power and finding my talents and my discernment is increasing as I try my hardest to avoid the pitfalls of what made me so ill in the first place.

Yes I believe that my chronic health conditions are caused or were triggered by the trauma I went through, but I feel lately I may be on the mend, even if it’s only a little. I feel more hopeful and inspired than ever before, I have a few projects going on spiritually and non spiritually and am feeling like during this Samhain on the waning moon with the planets in retrograde at the time my body is renewing its (menstrual) cycle a lot of shedding is happening. Like a snake I am wriggling out of my old skin so I can keep growing.

It’s hard definitely at times. I still get sad and depressed and angry, I’m only human. I still get confused and baffled and offended and all other manner of things. I am not always good at managing myself as I think I am. I had to go on a break with my boyfriend in a way because of it. We were unsure where our relationship was heading and the confusion made me need space. I don’t know if it was a good idea but it is done. And yet I still feel like everything else in my life right now it is something that will turn out okay whatever happens. That it’s continuing to build a long forgotten strength within me.

Relationships are hard and it’s the same with any relationships, as I try to become more love focused which is Déa’s way, I just find myself confronting a lot of things about myself I don’t like or didn’t know I carried. Things which show up for recognition and then healing through conscious change. There’s no use in changing the world if you can’t keep in harmony with the people closest you first. And that’s my lesson right now. I have to keep myself focused on making the little world around me better each moment I can. Even if it’s just a smile or forgiving a grievance…. Forgive them Mother for they know what they do… And forgive me for my unrighteous anger. I no longer need to carry around that pain of abuse with me.

But it takes time to let go, it is not just a one time thing. But through conscious awareness and through utilising magick and developing my healing gifts I’m getting there. I became attuned to Seichem lately which seems to have created yet again new awareness within me. I fully believe it’s part of my mission to be a healer and a priestess in some form or fashion, even if it’s just through this blog. So I am learning and I am devoting myself to study, I am reading so many books and reading the sacred Scriptures of the Madrians (The Clear Recital), I am learning so much and am happy and proud to find myself here, on this path of searching, healing, transforming, and connecting.

And it is not just spiritual connection that is important, although it has been my sole focus for many years. Now I am part of a community, I am accepted into the Déanic Ekklesia, I am a sister and I feel like I’ve found my home. I have found my place and I’m excited to see where this will go and where else I will find myself on my path.

I am finding understanding a larger truth of love, something I thought I’d grasped years ago but now I realised one can never truly grasp love, because it is beyond consciousness. One can only ever grow closer and closer to love in relationship. And one way is through Déa, and yet another way is through community. And again another way is through relationship. Love is the only reason we are here, at least, I know that’s my reason for being here!

Love is the greatest lesson, in love we can do all things. Love is Déa and so in Déa too we can do all things. Our Heavenly Mother has her arms open waiting for the world to hear her call again. I don’t know if the world will remember, but the few of us do here and there, and I know that at least pleases her.

So happy witching hour and happy Halloween, and cheers to the new coming phase of my life which feels to be full of only positive and inspiring energy.

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