I know it’s been a long time since I’ve updated. I haven’t had much new to report really, but things are mostly going well. I had been feeling depressed because of my constant exhaustion and seizures to the point I was bedbound (which let’s admit is a pretty depressing thing to have to come to face with), but in the past month I’ve regained a lot of energy again. I haven’t regained as much energy as I had developed before having the contraceptive implant put in but I feel like I am near that.
What also is probably helping a lot are the supplements my doctor has put me on. Over the last couple of months through multiple blood tests it’s turned out I’m very low in certain B Vitamins as well in Iron, essentially a group of vitamins/minerals that generate energy and without which you can develop anemia. So for sure that is a big portion of my problem and taking all these supplements I’ve been prescribed has definitely helped a lot. However, I still wonder if there’s something else driving these deficiencies behind the scenes.
Until further tests though I am just assuming I have ME/CFS, either that or Narcolepsy. It could be either or. Perhaps even both which my doctor seems to think could be an overlapping going on. But I am still waiting for a referral to the ME clinic and sleep clinic to be given an official diagnosis. All I really know is that I can’t walk very far and if I push myself I develop seizures leaving me incapable of doing anything for a non-descript period of time.
But at the moment I am going through a good period with my energy. I won’t pretend this time that I won’t have another relapse at some point, but I am still hopeful for a diagnosis and cure. Even though ME has no cure found yet, there is a lot of research going into it currently and it’s being seen more and more as a legitimate disease or condition and not all mental/psychological.
However, there’s no doubt that part of it actually is psychological as for me I didn’t develop it until after I had my psychotic breakdown. On this train of thought I have been studying a relatively new and recently emerging field of science called Epigenetics which shows that our genes actually in fact play very little in our mental and physical health and are not set in stone like the proponents of the Nature in the ‘Nature vs Nurture’ argument claim, but rather in fact our genes are turned on and off every second depending on the information that is fed to them from the outside (hence the ‘Nurture’ part).
This is very fascinating because it means essentially your genetic makeup is constantly being changed by the environment, including the people you surround yourselves with, the chemicals that invade your bodies every day from the atmosphere, the food and nutrition you consume and absorb, as well as your own thoughts and emotions. So it is a large mix of things around you that determines the way your genes express themselves and with the right ‘combo’ your DNA will literally change the way it functions which can cause seemingly sudden diseases to appear, or can instantaneously cause diseases to go into full remission and hence ‘dormant’.
And that is what I believe has happened with me. I was prone to psychosis from my traumatic upbringing, which paired with a bunch of other environmental factors triggered some set of genes that game me ME, which my body at the time did for survival reasons, thinking it would protect me somehow. Your body in the end only does what it thinks is best for it but in the process can make things go a bit awry. However the great thing is that it’s not set in stone and can be instantly ‘cured’ through the right combination of genes once again being activated/deactivated.
However, the question is at the moment is what is the exact environmental formula with which to do such a thing? I think this is what the field of epigenetics is trying to address currently so that diseases can eventually be cured from the genetic level through ‘healthy living’ alone. Don’t get me wrong there is definitely a time and place for medicines and surgeries and all that. But I read an article which stated only roughly five to seven percent of physical diseases were purely embedded at the DNA level and couldn’t be changed through genetic expression alone. So what that means essentially is that most diseases are in fact autoimmune and can be cured through a healthy lifestyle. That means having a good spiritual practice which is good for your thoughts/emotions, that means eating healthy and organic and not putting poison into your bodies, and it means surrounding yourself with only good influences and people.
This is why I thought to open my own business selling organic merchandise such as hygiene and beauty products as well as organic supplements, essential oils and whatever else that is ‘natural’. Because I want to be a healer and I always have done in some form or another, and whilst that means healing myself too through a range of practices (including medical science), it also means making the same things available for others to be able to heal themselves too.
I have only until 2020 until my Personal Independence Payment needs renewing and I may not meet all the requirements this time, and yet I know I am no where near well enough to work a full time job. I had been mulling over my idea a couple of years ago to create my own crystal business online selling crystals and I have taken the same idea and morphed it to this new interest, so that by the time my PIP ends I will be financially independent in a way that is easy for me and will not impact my health so much (working from home, having flexible hours, ect). But also because I don’t really get that much on PIP anyway and I really don’t want to be dependent on it forever, no matter whether I’m sick or not. I want my own means of income.
So that’s my new long term project that I am going to be setting up. And I am pretty excited about it. Hopefully by the time I gain some profit I am thinking about moving in with my boyfriend as now I am spending half my week at his anyways. I just want to be more independent first in all ways and there is still a lot of trauma I need to process before making such a huge leap. That is the part that is mostly ‘bad’ about my life currently though I suppose in the greater scheme of things processing that trauma and heading it face on is a good thing. But it doesn’t feel very good at the time.