So, I did write an entire post a few days ago to update on everything but I was writing it on my phone, and I locked the screen for one moment to talk to Graeme, and when I unlocked it everything was lost. Bit of a development bug there I’d say. But I was cool about it and decided to wait for another bout of inspiration rather than shittily trying to rewrite everything I did the first time round. So here we are.
What’s new? I am not even sure where to begin. So let me start by saying this: I’ve kinda embraced paganism. Yeah, I know, I wasn’t expecting it either (and I still embrace transhumanist spirituality such as terasem ect, remember that it’s a trans-religion), but also before my readers think I’ve walked off into the deep end again of the bizarre mystical shit that I already went through, I can say with certainty that’s not the case.
As I said I am still transhumanist, and to add to that I am still Atheist too(specifically agnostic atheist). I definitely embrace the idea of no God. Though I wonder sometimes if I am not atheistic towards the idea of a male God, and somewhat theistic towards the idea of a female Goddess(monotheaiestic?). Lately I feel really in tune with feminine energy and the universe again as I study it through the lenses of the physical sciences. The universe is Sooooo fascinating, and so awe-inspiring, that you just can’t help but feel a sense of religiosity about it, even without believing in the supernatural.
As I say, I’m pretty sure a God(or Goddess for that matter) doesn’t exist, but I can’t help but see the Universe as a female entity, can’t help personify it as a real deity. Not because I believe it is actually alive and conscious, which I don’t, but it’s sort of like the same way sailors will call their boats a ‘she’, like “ain’t she a real beauty?” (for some reason had an Australian accent in my head when writing that, might’ve seen it in a movie once). So I am just anthropomorphising the universe, nature, and the elements.
For another example of this, the god Thor was often seen as being the source of lightening and thunder. Well today we know that’s not really true, but there’s still a nice sense and feeling of magic about seeing Thor in electrical conduction. Is it necessary? No, not at all. Is it fun? I’d say so. Mythologies are so fascinating, interesting, such a big part of cultures and history, and I think on some level that should be preserved, and that in our race to become post-human we shouldn’t forget about where we came from.
So I have been putting together my own book of shadows on a private wordpress which lists the goddesses I feel drawn to and ways to honour them, and I feel perfectly comfortable with that and with studying science. In fact for me it’s important right now that I’ve had such an intense spiritual path (regardless of whether or not it was actually real), because it feels like everything is coming together for me. My interest in spirituality, which at the core is a quest for two things: Knowledge of the Universe, and knowledge of Self. And both those two things can be studied scientifically in the fields of Quantum Physics and Cognitive Neuroscience.
So in a way I am currently seeing it as a progression and linear development of my journey. Spirituality in a way or religion is like very very basic and primordial science. It was a way to basically explain nature, as I mentioned above. So as a species we have gone from religion to philosophy to science, with spirituality somehow encompassing the three and even evolving as our understanding of the universe evolves. Add all that to my health issues and my new interest in medicine and human enhancement technologies, I have pretty much realised what I am meant to be doing (putting that loosely, of course).
So for me it’s been the conversion of a lot of different fields. Spirituality, Psychology, Neurology, Nanotechnology, Physics, ect (to put it broadly). I know where I’m going and what I want to be doing. I was convinced beforehand that being a ‘spiritual healer’ was my life path. Now I don’t believe in the supernatural it only makes sense that an empathic person such as myself would naturally channel those desires into this kind of area that will one day improve people’s lives for the better.
And my spirituality now has the new label of ‘Religious Naturalism’, or ‘Naturalistic Pagan’, which basically means everything I’ve described plus a bit more. That everything can be explained naturally/scientifically, and that there is only one type of matter in the Universe (aka matter, not thought). That there are no real deities but you honour them anyway out of deep reverence for nature (even militant atheists feel that reverence but just prefer not to dress it up in a fancy costume).
Besides that, what I said about perhaps being atheistic towards a male deity but theaistic(thea I keep italicizing as it comes from the Latin word for ‘Goddess’), aka somewhat theistic when it comes to a female deity. In actual fact I have never considered that possibility before until I just wrote about it. However rationally speaking, I still believe a Goddess does not exist. But I’ll happily remain agnostic for now, and involve myself in the learning and integration of my Matron Goddess, MahaDevi, or basically Shakti(MahaDevi means the Great Goddess in vedic I think and I think there’s no better term to apply to the great majesty of the Universe).
Part of embracing this too is realising that everything in the universe originally came from one single atom at the beginning of time when the big bang happened. So that atom split and those pieces split again, ect. I’m not saying necessarily that everything is presently interconnected, but rather that everything in the universe does have a relationship to everything else in the universe, so the phrase ‘all is one’ has some meaning’.
The other thing is that Thursday came and went and I woke up on Friday and I still hadn’t been healed by Jesus, or even had any major revelations, so like I said in my previous post I am going to assume one of three things: That he doesn’t exist, that he does exist but isn’t powerful enough to heal me, or that he exists but his existence is irrelevant to my own. For now though I will keep an awareness of Jesus in my mind as he’s my family’s chosen deity, and I have history with ‘him’, and plus there are still traumatised parts of me that can’t let go of him, even if I’ve rationally made the choice to move on.
So yeah that is that. I think I have written about everything so far. I’m feeling very positive and optimistic about my life, my options, the future, and humanity in general.