Well, it was obvious to me after my condition suddenly worsening severely after having the implant put in that it was that triggering and flaring my condition. I was seriously taking a turn for the worst, the paramedics were called over twice, I was admitted to the ward the first time, and yesterday I couldn’t move a muscle for two hours – effectively paralyzed. I was so upset I went straight to the health clinic today and got it removed.
Sex is awesome but my health is more important. What’s the point of an implant if I’m not even well enough to have sex? Not worth it. In the almost month I had it in I had sex twice, and it was the best experiences of my life, being that I had waited so long emotionally, and it was with the right person, and such. Now I experienced something so special I am okay with waiting again for a while until other options come along.
Basically the nurse wants me to wait a couple of weeks to see if the side effects really do calm down indicating that the implant really was the cause – then she wants me to talk to my doctor about her recommendation and from there if I have the go ahead from my doctor I will get the non hormonal intrauterine device fitted instead. It is copper and basically is inserted in the womb and causes sterilization. Being non-hormonal it doesn’t change the way your body works. It’s literally that the sperm hate the copper inside the uterus and according to the nurse spaz out and basically can’t reach the egg. She says it’s supposed to be one of the most effective forms of birth control out there (but that’s what they all say lol)… honestly nothing is 100% so I got some freebie condoms whilst I was at the clinic. They gave me another STD test and pregnancy test (pointless to me, because I’m in a monogamous relationship and only had sex twice not even for very long or to the point of climax), and told me to abstain until I get the IUD fitted. That’s fine with me.
But they want to do some checks with my doctor and neurologist first, and say because of all my health complications I may have to go to the hospital to get it done. So it may be a bit more complicated but I’m willing to go through it. Though I haven’t told Graeme yet lol, since he’s been busy at work. I think he (and my family too tbh) are worried I’m jumping into things without really thinking them over, but I did do a lot of research for like a month before I even went to the health clinic the first time. So I know what’s what (more or less, not claiming to be an expert).
It’s a shame the implant affected me that way. I’d say for women of average/normal health it would probably be very good for them. I would definitely still recommend it, it’s just that it didn’t suit me. And when I got it out, I got home and was exhausted from being out at the clinic, and could feel an episode coming on, but this time I bounced back really quickly like just before I had it put in, and regained my strength in a couple of hours. I know the nurse says it takes about a week for the hormone to come out of my system but she also said things will start going back to normal almost instantaneously. And maybe because of just how sensitive I am I can already feel the benefits of having it removed.
So here’s to having no more fits. But hopefully next Monday when I have my neurology exams they will still find something and be able to diagnose it. After doing lots of research I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that I have multiple sclerosis – it all adds up. And I’m gonna ask the neurologist to test me for it. I believe I’ve had it for years and my traumatic breakdown caused it to flare badly.
I really hope now I will continue improving, because I wanted to go back to college and study again and start looking at potential future careers. Although I wanted to be a vet I’m undecided again. I’m finding myself interested in the sciences again… but I will wait till my neurological diagnosis before I figure out what to do career wise. If it turns out I do have an autoimmune disease (well my doctor is 100% sure I have narcolepsy with cataplexy which is autoimmune anyway), I may be on personal independence payment and employment support allowance for the rest of my life. Not sure how I feel about that… I guess both ways have their advantages and disadvantages.
Anyway, another symptom I’m sure the implant was giving me was panic attacks before sleep again, I was doing well with not taking any sleep medications at bed time, but have had to rely on them a lot again recently. Hopefully that will all calm down, and I have this strange religious confusion in my mind. In the night due to the panic whilst I’m half asleep I will be like full on Christian (because it’s comforting), but then in the day when I’m fully awake and aware I’m like “God doesn’t exist and Jesus is dead….” but it’s all sort of blurring together and I don’t really have any grounding right now.
Maybe if I eventually get round to doing some meditation the confusion will clear and I’ll get more clarity. Anyway that’s not really the point. I don’t know what the term is for someone who doesn’t care about God’s existence and will live their own way either way – Apatheist maybe? My idea is that if God does exist he’s loving enough for me not to have to worry about the afterlife as long as I’m a good person – which I am. And if he doesn’t then I will still be a good person anyway because it’s the right thing to do. So either way it’s not a big deal. But honestly when I am rational the whole idea of God just seems absurd.
Anyway enough about that. I think the body is incredibly complex, and wish I could understand it. But I will go about living my life to the fullest I can – because it’s our only one life. That’s the point. Beliefs and labeling and all that don’t matter in the end – all that matters is taking responsibility for yourself and living in the present moment.