I haven’t updated for a while, but now it’s 2017!!! Happy new year folks!!! I have been quite preoccupied lately and haven’t felt like writing, and also my camera broke so I can’t get round to doing video blogs either.
A lot has happened in the past month or so? since I last wrote. First thing’s first: I am in a new relationship!!! I am soooooo happy, and we have a soul connection, and we live only ten mins drive away from each other, and are both spiritual people.
The story of how we met is actually quite funny. Because I told myself back in September that I would manifest a new partner by Christmas. Well, the week before Christmas came and I still hadn’t found anyone. So I used Law of Attraction to declare it into my life (using Jesus’ name), and that I would find them within that week.
And then I just had absolute faith that it would happen, I wouldn’t let myself doubt at all. And then you know what happened? I had been on lots of dating sites for the entire past year, so there was nothing unusual about that. But all of a sudden a guy messaged me on a spiritual dating site, this guy I am now in the relationship with (his name is Graeme), and to message others you have to have paid a full subscription, and I didn’t know that. But he said the exact same day I signed up he paid for the full subscription. So we were able to message back and forth and exchange email addresses.
Then I took the plunge to meet him in real life, just as a friend really, but he immediately asked me out on a second date and we hit it off!!! The thing with me actually is that I am literally not able to be attracted to someone unless there is a strong soul connection there. And I’ve literally fallen for him head over heels, and feel more comfortable with him than I’ve ever felt with a guy in my life. I could actually imagine marrying him and having his babies. I know that is way in the future but by the third date I just ‘knew’ I loved him, that I wanted to be with him, and that he is right for me.
But I think initially he was scared by the intense connection and pulled back a bit. I think he needed to make up his mind since I said I wanted a life partner(I apparently don’t use my brain around him and blurt out stupid things). But I think he’s okay with it now, and likes me an awful lot. Which is brilliant.
The connection really is intense, and whilst not as intense as my last relationship (and thankfully so), it is very wonderful and I feel most content than I ever have done in my life. Even though it has brought up a lot of energies and emotions and traumas in me, and it’s not been all smooth sailing, I feel like I could really settle with him and enjoy it.
He doesn’t know yet about my feelings of love for him. At least I still have some of a brain and decided to wait a bit before saying it. But sometimes when we are together the love energies sort of peak for a few seconds and my heart chakra wants to explode – then it passes. I have those kind of waves more and more frequently too especially after meeting for a day. The sexual energies are very intense too, but a comfortable intense. I have to be honest I have never felt so physically compatible with a guy before. Even though with all my sexual trauma from what the demons did to me (not sure I mentioned the rape before on here???) gives me anxiety attacks, I just feel safe with him. And he is being gentle with me. In fact his energy is so incredibly gentle it shocked me at first when I felt it, so much more gentler than feminine energy, but still perfectly masculine. That to me is a feature that makes him very unique. One of the first things I was attracted to. And since then I have made entire archives in my head of all the things I find attractive about him lol.
I will not ramble on too much, but yeah I’m pretty much in love and have not really had any way to express it yet. I will at some point when it feels right, but I think I need to get to know him better first.
Another thing that has happened is that I have gone through an awful lot of growth and integration the past couple of months, I am no longer conflicted spiritually and have settled on a liberal Christian esoteric/mystical worldview, recognizing Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour as well as All That Is, but taking a more laid back approach to the religion. And Jesus seems okay with me about that. And Jesus told me yesterday he has his hand on this new relationship even though Graeme isn’t a Christian (but I don’t mind) – which was comforting because I was worrying a bit about it. So yeah, I’ve developed a really cool relationship with Jesus, and I love spending time with him and getting to know him, and it feels wonderful. Everything just makes much more sense now, like I went through all the pain I did to retrieve lost soul fragments which in turn has made me much more mature now that I am healing and recovering finally. It has taken a year but I am on the mend, and even physically I am getting much better too and less tired and exhausted.
Also in line with all that growth – I don’t psychologically regress to a child nearly as often, and when I do it is not to a five year old anymore. It is more like a ten year old, which is really cool. It’s like that part of me has done a lot of growing up and the two personalities are merging into one. The confusion is not nearly so predominate now and I feel mentally clearer and whole, with less memory gaps and less trouble self-reflecting (a side effect of the trauma I think).
I feel this new relationship has really been forcing me to face myself too which is helping an awful lot. I think really it has just been a mixture of things and I’m starting to come into my own. Still a long way to go yet but I think compared to where I was this time last year I have done incredibly incredibly well, and my life really is better than ever.