I’ve started dating again lately, or at least going on dating sites and meeting up with people. I was feeling a lot of new twin flame energy so I figured perhaps I could find the person who seems to be connecting with me at a soul level. And I have met a few lovely people, but I’m not sure exactly it’s what I’m looking for.
The thing is, I’m looking for what I’m going to call a ‘Mirror Spirit’, a system devised by a girl called Sebastyne as an alternative to the soulmate/twin-flame label. And I think I prefer that system (even though it seems she’s taken it down). I’m looking for a mirror spirit, and I haven’t come across one yet. I guess they are somewhat rare, but I’ve met three so far, and a number of partial mirror spirits, so I’m hoping out for another.
The truth is, once you’ve experienced such an intense and in-depth relationship, nothing really can compare again. And maybe it’s not that we’re only attracted to that one person, but rather our romantic orientations are very heart focused and we can’t experience true love without that merging and melding of energies.
Like I said, I’ve met a number of partial mirror spirits whom are all lovely, and whom I could be happy with… and yet, I find myself craving for something inexplicable. Something only a true mirror spirit can fulfil.
I wonder whose this energy is I’m feeling. There’s also my ex who messaged me out of the blue, and I still feel his energy quite strongly. In fact I felt telepathically that he wanted to contact me, but didn’t think he really had it in him to go through with it. But I was wrong, he did contact me, at the time I felt him thinking about it.
Me and him were true mirror spirits. I don’t have a clue what we’d be now, the connection, at least emotionally is completely dead, well, it is on my end anyway. I’ve been through too much shit with him to truly feel anything good anymore. And yet…. And yet, I find some deep part of me longing for him again, ever since he contacted me. I just couldn’t ignore him. And I hate myself for even holding out hope. Because likely I will just be let down again… I expect that, and rightly so. He hurt me, he used me, and the saddest thing is he didn’t mean any of it. And as much as I don’t want to sympathise with him…. God, I hate these feelings. I mean, it’s like a war is raging inside me. The angry part mostly wins out, but the innocent, child-like, naïve part wants to love him and resume where we left off. I guess that is normal for mirror spirits, right?
I thought that his message signalled some kind of closure, but really all it has done has made me doubt things even more. Doubt the whole twin flame phenomena, and such. It makes me think “what if we really are meant to be together”…. but that’s bullshit. I feel stupid even thinking it. He’s over me and it’s about damn time I pull myself together, get over him, and find someone new. And that’s why I’m dating again. I’m ready to move on.
Then again, the ironic thing is just as you move on from a twin flame relationship they feel that and get anxious and then start pulling back again. Always that insufferable push and pull. And if I start pulling again I will lose myself, lose my sanity, lose my inner harmony, and to be honest, it’s a nicer idea if I just make him work for whatever the fuck he’s trying to accomplish. Play a little game. That sounds fun because honestly? It will protect me from really feeling anything I don’t want to feel.
I sound sadistic and masochistic all at the same time. But this is the person I am now. I was broken, and this is how broken people react. I’m not the same person he first met. I am completely opposite to that. I’m bitter, angry, misanthropic, and other bad quality traits. When I met him, I was so different.
Anyway, I guess right now I just don’t know where I stand in regards to romantic love. I’m trying to find someone to spend the rest of my life with – and it’s turning out to be a far harder job than I first realised. I’m looking for that perfect true mirror spirit. And perhaps, we really only do have one. But then again, I’m probably kidding myself and trying to hold out some foolish hope.
I don’t know. I guess we’ll see what happens.