Lately I’ve been feeling more chilled out about what I believe, more sure of how the universe works, and such. I feel perhaps Jesus did help me, and is still helping me, and that I should really just work within the Christian continuum because my entire family and extended family are Christian, no matter whether I have a more esoteric view on things.
Esotericism – I can’t help being interested in it. It’s who I am, fundamentally. If there was a God, then he made me this way. Of course, I think it’s established I don’t really believe in a God, though I believe in lesser deities. But that doesn’t account for why I’ve always oddly been the black sheep of the family. To be honest, I’m not really sure what does. Some may say karma, or that I’m an old soul, or something like that. Past me even thought I was an advanced alien from another planet, incarnating to awaken to myself and in the process awaken others to their true nature too.
These days however, I don’t really believe that we have a fundamental ‘true nature’… self-realisation used to be one of my biggest goals, and indeed I felt like I’d reached it at one point of my life. I certainly had an experience that confirmed it at the time, but the truth is now it just doesn’t make sense in the greater light of the recent experiences I’ve had. All I can confirm really is that there’s no ‘common reality’, no ‘universal truth’, so to speak, but rather there are just different realities, and everyone is their own universe, and as such they experience things spiritually different, and they have different goals. Sometimes those goals are self-realisation, sometimes salvation by deities, sometimes just a good life. Me? I don’t think I really have a goal. Perhaps mine is to be proficient in spirituality. Maybe my spiritual DNA is just naturally composed that way. Like I was just popped into existence that way, not like I was created that way by some supposed ‘higher’ entity who then gave me a soul purpose or mission or whatever.
Not sure if that makes sense. Anyway, I don’t deny that there are higher beings than us that can help us if we side with them. There are gods, angels, aliens, demons, probably elementals, fairies, unicorns, and other bizarre and mysterious creates we can’t possibly comprehend. I do also believe that there are ‘ascended masters’, I wouldn’t call Jesus an ascended master because he’s a deity, but rather I’d call beings like the Buddha and Mother Mary as ascended masters, though still, they are two separate belief systems so I feel it a bit of a cultural appropriation to make them similar. The Buddha was an enlightened being, and Mother Mary is an ascended human with multiple graces. Two different things, if you really separate them in your mind.
Anyway, I believe we can find truths in all different paths, that work for us, but I think after my disaster of being involved in new age, I’ve learned that mixing and matching doesn’t usually end up well. It’s better to stick to one particular tradition, and embellish as you see fit. For me I’m going to do that with Christianity. My core will be Christian, just that my bent will be philosophical and magical than exoteric. For example, using holy water, blessed salt, anointing oil, and invoking angels… they are all magical things that any Christian can incorporate. I want to find rituals like that.
And I brought Mother Mary up because I really connect with her spiritually, and feel closer to her than Jesus, and have developed a connection with her previously in my Christian walk too. I figure both times that perhaps I can connect to Jesus indirectly through her as the Catholics tend to do. I see no problem with that. I can abandon my whole heart to her, and she will protect me, and I also think assist me in my esoteric workings.
I am also thinking about utilising my psychic abilities more. Chatting with Jesus and Mary and perhaps the angels or my guardian angels when I’m feeling bolder. Not channeling, but rather holding telepathic communications. I feel drawn to do that with Mary right now actually. Gotta give it a go 🙂 Anyway, I definitely do want to use my psychic abilities much more, now that I have them. I just have to learn to use them in moderation and not go over the top like I used to. That’s what messed me up the first time.