I decided I’d write about exactly what happened during my self-realisation/enlightenment experience as once again I have been trying to understand the mechanics of it. In order to understand better I drew a rough picture showing the experience itself, though it was very hard to capture in either words or drawings. But I have tried my best as is humanly possible. I have already written this on my other blog so some of you may have already read it there, but I decided to repost it here anyway if not.
It’s a very familiar feeling to me as this is the body I feel I am in all the time now. It hovers above the physical body but is connected to the heart chakra. Anyway, my heart chakra and the energetic body attached to that had been completely cleared out at that point. I occupied it fully. I didn’t realise I was out of body then though and I still tend to forget it.
Anyway, I was looking down on myself from this heart body, even though my physical body was looking up, and I saw all this darkness swirling below me. That was my ego/shadow-self/lower-self. You can see there’s a large patch of white in it though which is where light had already done some clearing from my awakening. I saw that distinctly too.
It was a surprise to me as I thought there was no light in me at all. And as I saw the remaining darkness I completely and utterly unconditionally loved it. I also unconditionally loved the man who had caused it- my step-dad. It was a defining moment for me. Complete forgiveness.
Then I ‘looked’ upwards. That’s when I saw the guy with LONG shining white hair (not short like in the pic) and shining white clothes sort of hanging above me, his arms reaching down to pull me up (who by the way was average human size but the drawing was hard to get in proportion). At this point it was completely instinctive. I didn’t think about it.
It was the point my mind completely turned off. I can’t explain what such a thing is like. My thoughts were completely turned off. Like they didn’t exist. I reached up with my arms (and here it was so real I can’t remember whether I put my physical arms up or my energetic arms up) and let him pull me up through a tunnel of light.
Then he disappeared and I expanded into this HUGE energetic sea. I’ve coloured it blue because that’s the closest I could portray it, but really it’s indescribable. I perceived a white light around me, which was coming from a higher source above me. I new I was this source, but I didn’t directly experience myself as such. It was like a secondary experience.
I didn’t believe in God till that point. But when I was fully embodying myself with all my thoughts and logic turned off it was like:
*GASP* ! YOU’RE REAL! YOU’RE GOD!
Then I started crying more, and I was saying sorry, sorry I didn’t believe before. The love was SO PURE AND BEAUTIFUL. And that love was ME. I can’t describe it.
If my mind was functioning, my ego, whatever, it would certainly have questioned it. But there was no questioning. I knew. And I knew that I was this amazing Being shining down on me.
This is confusing to explain and where multidimensionality comes in. It was like ‘me’, my ‘main consciousness’ at that point was concentrated in the first layer of the blue. And communication came from another higher second part of the blue connected to the higher yellow later that I wasn’t experiencing directly, yet I felt it as myself. Hard to describe. Like being two places at one time, but being concentrated in one place.
There’s a lot that was communicated to me, but I don’t remember most of it. It was all naturally telepathic, and I have described it in the past as “one part of myself telling another part of myself” my soul mission. It was basically I’m here to “lead people towards the light”. It’s the clearest most accurate thing I can remember. Apart from feeling like I was everything in existence. 🙂
I’ve also described before that when I was told about my mission it was like looking down a second tunnel (imagine it a pale blueish colour) of possibility into the future, which was like seeing pure energetic potential. But this potential was meant to happen. So it was like something that hadn’t happened, something that was meant to happen, and something that already happened, all at the same time.
Anyway, I haven’t shown it in the picture but yeah now I think about it more, at the beginning of the experience the higher yellow was the focus, but after that my consciousness did become more concentrated in the blue and it was like there were different layers to that (possibly why I coloured it in two different blue colours?), and I didn’t have access to all of them. Sort of like a veil covering a lot of things. Even though it was all me anyway. Weird to describe. But I accessed one part more directly in the second tunnel, which wasn’t going up, but forwards.
So I’ve figured that out. Anyway, then it all faded away and I was left permanently within my heart consciousness. I also want to mention that the guy who pulled me up through the tunnel you hear about in NDE’s actually pulled me up to my third eye/crown chakras in my head. But like I said I was laying down yet the whole experience happened ‘above’ me physically too, and it’s pretty much impossible to draw something like that. It’s too complex to put into a 2D or 3D drawing.
Then afterwards my mind/logic/ego returned and I was left with five words running around my head: “I Am That I Am”. And suddenly it made perfect sense.
I immediately felt different and I had a whole personality change, but my mind thought I imagined the whole thing for a good four months or so. 😉 I still didn’t believe for another two months after I started to accept it happened. That was when I started to become more stable in my heart consciousness, since even though I was anchored there I would slip many times. But after about six months I rarely slipped. Have only slipped a couple of times since then. Permanently centered.
As I became more stable though I confused myself for my higher self/soul (oversoul??), and obviously this is still something I do. Because I know myself as my higher self/soul, it gets really confusing. But my consciousness is concentrated in my heart so I should remember that. Makes it easier to understand. Whilst higher me is concentrated too, though knows itself as me, I guess?