A couple of months after my Kundalini awakening, I felt like I had started to slip spiritually, and after experiencing bouts of anxiety I decided I wanted to reconnect to that still place in my centre once again. Although I hadn’t lost touch with my Self, I realized I was more distant from it than I wanted. This started a new bout of meditating.
Mediating started bringing up energy again. The energy felt good and it felt cleansing. After a couple of weeks I felt more peaceful and it had become a nightly addictive activity. I had a couple of minor Kundalini surges but I was convinced that I was pretty much spiritually cleansed, and that there wasn’t much left to clean out. Oh how wrong I was.
During this process I started to have intense back pain, but thinking it was nothing but bad posture from being constantly hunched over the computer I ignored it. Then one night I noticed I felt like I was vibrating as I was falling to sleep. Except, my actual physical body didn’t feel like it was vibrating. It felt like a phantom body- probably the subtle body that people talk about. I thought it was weird, but fell asleep. A few days later though, it returned again and, realizing the source of my back pain was most likely emotional, I meditated on it. The vibrating then quickly intensified until such a HUGE wave of energy went through me that I felt like I was going to explode. Quickly becoming scared, I pushed the energy back down.
The thing is- my crown chakra is not yet open. I assume this is where the energy wants to escape from, and yet everytime I raise energy it gets stuck and builds up in my head. This is why I was afraid of letting this enormous wave of energy escaping through my head. I felt like it would kill me, and I wasn’t yet ready to die. Squashing the energy down, however, didn’t work the way I intended it to. It got stuck in my torso and it felt like I was literally pregnant with energy. Traumatized and unable to sleep I went downstairs to where my mother was, awake and working on the computer.
I told her briefly what had happened, without going into too much detail, and in the midst of talking the energy rushed back into my head again. I let it out best I could, which manifested as my eyes flickering, but it wasn’t enough. A few seconds into this my mother got up out of impulse, lay hands on me, and started praying in tongues over me. That is when the screaming started.
I didn’t believe in the power of tongues, so when my body started convulsing and energy started coming out my throat chakra in the sounds of screams without my conscious control, I was extremely surprised. To this day I believe there is nothing special about speaking in tongues, however, I now see it as one of many spiritual tools that can be used as a way to impart healing energy. It’s not the glossolalia itself which holds the power, but the part of the brain which transcends language sufficiently to do what consciousness needs to.
This was my healing deliverance. I spent about an hour screaming and sobbing, things coming out from deep within my subconscious that I didn’t even know existed. It took me about another hour to stabilize after that. Energy still resided in my head which couldn’t travel back down to escape, and so I had to let it out with more eye flickering and spontaneous neck Bandhas. This I will discuss in my next post.