I’ve been feeling a little disoriented lately.
I don’t know what’s real anymore. I don’t know what’s the point in anything.
I go through life not feeling a thing, on automatic, dead inside.
Yet I want to do something to change the world.
In the words of Light Yagami, this world is rotten.
Yet one person alone cannot change anything.
And even if I could change anything, what would be the point in that, really?
Everything’s just so pointless.
I have no money, no real aspirations, no life.
And everything just seems so pointless.
Most people live for their town, or their country, or sometimes for the world.
But when you have a mind like mine,
A mind that can see the whole of space and time in their minds eye,
A mind that sees God as subjective,
A mind that’s amoral and apathetic,
Then how can you begin to even justify our existence?
It’s all just so pointless.
I want something to die for, and the only thing that’s worth dying for is change.
But in the end even change corrupts.
I can’t even find a job, how can I change the world?
I can’t even talk to people without wanting to die.
So how could I want to die for them?
Why do I care so much, when I care so little?
Should I just join a terrorist organization, blow up London?
Start World War Three?
I can’t even find the strength to escape my room,
Escape these fantasies.
Day in day out. Always the same.

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